What makes marriage work? What makes it last? I have been married for 29 years but I don’t have it all figured out. I do have some ideas. I think I am on to a few things.

One thing that must happen in marriage: become best friends. Romantic feelings can be so fickle. Building a marriage on romance is building a house on the sand.  I am all for romance and passion. In fact, I am a big fan. But something else makes for a firmer foundation. That something  is friendship. Marriage cannot go the distance without it.

Does that idea sound foreign to you? When you consider who your  best friend is, does your spouse’s face even enter the picture?

Let’s test the friendship component of your marriage. Here are some questions that will help you determine the quality of your marital friendship:

• Do you enjoy spending time with your spouse?
• Do you look forward to being alone with your spouse or do you dread the time you must spend together?
• Do you ever actually spend time…just the two of you…without the kids or other couples present?
• When you are alone, what do you talk about?
• Do you have deep conversations? Or, do you just discuss the details of running your household?
• Do you have interests in common? What activities do you both like to do?
• Are you willing to do things that the other person loves to do — just so you can be with them?
• If you could pick one person to spend an evening with, would it be your spouse?
• What do you think is fun? Is it more or less fun when done with your spouse?
• Does being together bring out the best in both of you…or the worst?

What do you think of these questions? What other questions would you add to this list? I would love to hear from you.

“This is my lover, this is my friend,”

(Song of Songs 5:16, NIV)